Somewhere Only We Know
by D7Tribute
Summary: Lyra and Edmund. He left her. She was employed by Caspian. What happens when they are thrown back together one month too early. What happens when Lyra's best friend, Yvie, betrays her with the one thing she truly loves. Will it all go up in smoke. Or will Edmund be able to patch things up before he has to go home. Story is better than the summary.
1. How You Remind Me

"_We should be back at the ball by now. People will be wondering-" _

"_No one will be wondering, I told Peter that I was going to bed." He cuts me off, instantly reassuring me. I relax a little and lean over the edge of the balcony. He stands beside me, hesitantly placing his hand over mine. I sigh and bend my head; my hair falls over my face, covering the blush that creeps up on my cheeks. I turn to lean back against the railing, I can feel him look up and walk over to me. His hands are next to mine, trapping me between him and the railing. I glance up to look at him and he's staring at me so intensely I have to look away. He chuckles and just to contradict him, I pull my head up to look him straight in the eyes. Those dark, chocolate brown eyes, they make my heart melt. I pull my arms up and rest my elbows on his shoulders, fingers tangled in his hair. He bends his head down to press our foreheads together, he's leaning in but I pull away. Confusion and hurt build up in his eyes so I pull his head back to rest on mine. I close my eyes and whisper to him._

"_Just promise me you won't leave me like last time." I open my eyes to find him gazing into them. A faint smile crosses over his face and he smirks. He truly is the best thing in my life; I attempt to force the away the smile that tries to surface on my face, but I fail._

"_I'm deadly serious Ed. You know I am." I can't control it any longer, and I burst into a fit of giggles. I turn my face away to look down on the beach. A thousand moments rip through my mind at once; A thousand happy moments of days lazing on the sand, jumping from the hills into the turquoise surf, falling over from laughter with him. He gently pulls my chin up, easing me from the memories. I look directly into his eyes with such intensity that I think mine will pop out of my head. _

"_Promise me." I urge. He just stands there, looking at me. So I begin to detach his hands from my waist; but they remain there, strong as ever. I sigh and gaze at our feet, his either side of mine. I look up in defeat. I raise my eyebrows to ask him again, this time he answers. This time his lips come crashing down on mine._

I open my emerald eyes. Just another dream. I hate them. Love him. Hate dreams. Simple. I sigh and swing my legs over the edge of my so-called bed. It's basically a chunk of wood on stilts with a couple of itchy blankets to sleep on. I glance around and realise the others are beginning to wake up as well. It's stupid really. They call us Civilian Assistants, we're just servants. We're nothing special, just a bunch of underpaid teenage girls; Most of us are around 16/17 years old. They hire us because we've got no experience, they say they're helping us to become more familiar with the world of employment; we're cheap labour because we don't know how much we're supposed to be paid, or treated. We were always told that working in Caspian's home was going to be rewarding; In fact, a lot of us in here were brought up to want to serve King Caspian. Sure, I guess it's an honour, but the majority of us have never actually even seen him let alone served him.

"Come on, Lyra." Yvie calls my name from by the door, "We're actually on in _HIS _dining hall today. Can you believe it?" She giggles and gestures to the door. I pull my grey tunic over my head and my standard brown trousers over my legs, my clothes are a little too small so they hug my body, accentuate my curves, not that there's much point in that, the one who I love is gone. I slide my feet into the compulsory black plimsolls and trudge over to the door where Yvie is already halfway down the stairs. She's stopped a few steps from the bottom to wait for me; when I get there she's off again, running down the hallways and screeching to a halt moments before she nearly bursts through the doors. Yvie brushes imaginary dust off of her top and I pull some of the knots out of my auburn hair with my fingers. I catch her sky-blue eyes and she winks at me. We each take a deep breath and push the double doors open.

The moment we're inside my eyes instantly lock with a familiar pair of chocolate brown ones and my heart melts like a pound of butter. I bow my head and look down at my shoes like they're the most interesting things in the world. This can't be happening. It's not meant to be happening. Especially not now. I last saw him 2 years ago, he'd gone to the Lone Islands with Caspian and they weren't set to return until next month. My father had left me and my little brother, Felix, after mother died and Felix had just fallen ill with GMM (Gnome Mumps and Measles). I'd taken him to every doctor and apothecary in our village and the surrounding towns, but to no avail. Finally, one old washer-woman directed me to Caspian's castle. She told me that Caspian had a professor who knew the correct combination of herbs and incantations to cure Felix. I thanked the woman and she agreed to let Felix stay there for the night while I went back home to pack up our old Appaloosa, Jonah. I gave his dapple grey coat a rub down with an old rag and tacked him up. I fixed a couple of sacks with some spare clothes and blankets in them to his old, hack-worn saddle. I pulled on an old burgundy cloak and packed 2 extra ones, one for me in case it got colder and one for Felix when we came back home.

I rode back into town and picked up Felix from the woman, who had managed to slow down the speed of his rising temperature. I had given her half of the money I was saving towards a new saddle to thank her for her kindness. She helped me seat Felix on the saddle in front of me and we began the half an hour trek around the hill to Caspian's castle. By the time we got there, it was raining and my thighs were numb from riding. I knocked on the door and to my surprise it was King Caspian himself who answered it. I began to calmly explain what was happening, but by the end of it tears were streaming down my face. He called to a young man and woman who walked straight out into the torrential rain and carried Felix inside, Caspian went to sort Jonah into a new stable and he gestured for me to go inside. The people who had carried Felix in, to my shock, were Peter and Susan, High King and Queen of Narnia. Lucy the Valiant became my best friend and Edmund the Just, he was something more. Caspian's professor tried all he could, for several months, to save my baby brother but he died after 5 months of all the wrong treatment. I held his hand as he left, my perfect 7 year old little brother, he'd never done anything wrong; he'd never even been out of our village before.

For 3 months after Felix's death, I sat in an old oak wardrobe. I didn't leave for meals, I didn't sleep, and I only left my bottomless pit of despair for bathroom breaks, which ended up being in the middle of the night so I didn't have to see anyone. In the end, it was Ed who found me. He never told anyone where I was, whenever they asked, he was always so vague. Apparently I'd run away to some village about 3 miles from here and hidden in a pile of hay in an abandoned stable. Edmund never forced me to eat, or sleep, or speak. He just made me do it, absentmindedly. If I didn't eat, he wouldn't. If I didn't sleep, he'd sit up with me until I did. If I chose not to speak, he never urged me; he'd just sit there watching me until I decided to. This boy was my rock, still would be, if he hadn't left. We'd been planning on going on a hack through the forest on a lazy summer Sunday morning for a while, so when he wasn't at breakfast I was confused. When I went to the stables and found Phillip still snoring I was a little annoyed. When I'd waited half an hour at the feet of a tacked-up Jonah I was hurt. When I'd galloped all the way to our secret meeting place in the woods to find nothing I began to worry. When I found out later that evening from Lucy that the Peter and Edmund had gone on a 2 year long voyage, I was heartbroken. Edmund was the only person alive that I really truly knew I loved and he'd left, just like that he'd gone on a boat for 2 years and left me wallowing in a pit of self-loathing.

His sudden departure made me feel like there was something wrong with me. It made me worry that I wasn't right. That I was too clingy, or strange, or annoying, or ugly, or still too tied up in my brother's death to notice he wasn't feeling as happy as he should. For that I hated him. I told Susan and Lucy that I was leaving for my village in the morning. They tried to convince me not to, but it didn't work. In the end, I never left; I insisted that Caspian hire me as maid so that I could pay him back. He told me that what he did was out of kindness and pity that he'd never wanted anything in return. I replied to this saying that I felt rotten about living here, eating his food and using his horse tack that I had to pay him back, I hated owing people.

So here I am, with my best friend Yvie standing in front of one young man who is desperately trying to remember who I am and the love of my life whose eyes are full of regret and apology and hurt and longing and, most surprisingly, resistance. He looks like he's having some sort of inner battle with himself to stop from jumping out of his seat and swinging me round like he used to. I manage to retain my calm expression and walk straight through to the kitchen to collect the food with Yvie. The moment we're out of the dining hall she raises her eyebrows, knowing very well that they can still hear us through the doors; I just shake my head dismissively. She immediately drops it and whispers in my ear.

"Lyra Warren, if you don't tell me whatever is going on with you and the Just. I will personally assemble the shooting squad to carry out your murder. Understood?" Yvie tries to keep a straight face, but only for a few seconds before she bursts out laughing, guaranteeing strange glances when we go back into the hall.

"Yvie Parker, I solemnly swear that I will tell you every single thing that has ever happened between me and The Just, as soon as it's our shift to do the horses. Agreed?" I say back, almost inaudible over her cackling.

"Fine." She mumbles, having regained her serious composure just before we walk back through the doors where 5 certain royals will surely give us uneasy glances.

Strangely, the looks we get are all different. Peter is still trying to place me in his memories, squinting at me. Ed leans over and whispers something into his ear. Peter's eyes widen suddenly, and there is the recognition that was in Edmund's eyes. Lucy is giving me a somewhat forced-looking smile, obviously attempting to make me feel comfortable. Susan nudges her and the smile dissolves into slight confusion. Caspian nods at Yvie and as he catches my eye, he winks at me, subtly jerking his head in Ed's direction. The person that I have loathed yet loved for the past 2 years is still staring at me. All of the regret and resistance and hurt and apology have left his eyes. All that is swimming in his chocolate brown pools is pain and longing. I lock eyes with him, hardening my gaze, making him feel what I felt, _I_ want to make _him_ want to run away and hide somewhere unfindable. I knit my eyebrows into a scowl and he drops his head, looking even guiltier than when he'd trodden on a little baby hermit crab, squishing it flat. I mostly feel cruel for making him so upset, I love him, why am I making him feel even smaller than the hermit crab; but somewhere inside me is a little piece that disgusts me, it thinks he should be punished, it thinks that this is what he deserves, that little piece makes me sick. It's all that remains of whatever I inherited from my failure of a father other than my green eyes.

We serve tea, then toast, then pancakes or waffles with fruit. The 3 courses drag by, barely changing. Caspian makes polite remarks about Susan's appearance and she returns them with grateful thank you's and it's nothing really's. Lucy asks Peter and Edmund about their voyage, Peter tells her about helping out in the small villages along the outskirts of the cities in the Lone Islands. When he asks Edmund about anything, the answers are single words, whispered, barely audible, except to me, I've missed sitting up late at night, whispering about anything. Halfway through the final round of pancakes, it hits me. The seating arrangements haven't changed. Ever. Caspian and Peter sit at the ends of the long dining table. Susan and Lucy sit on the left side of the table; Susan is nearest Caspian, Lucy nearest Peter. Edmund sits on the ride side, nearest Peter. The chair to his left, I notice, is the very chair I used to sit in. Somehow, it makes me feel awful, to watch him glance over to me every few seconds, to watch him look up to the vacant chair out of habit, then watch his head drop as he remembers. It absolutely kills me; but I shouldn't care, he just ran away from me. He just decided to, he doesn't know what he missed. We could have gone anywhere, done anything, therefore as I decided 19 months ago, Edmund the Just is a dipshit. Yvie drags me from my daydream; we clear the table after the final course. As I collect Edmund's plate, I glare at him, instantly regretting it.

I don't want to push this boy away. If anything I should pull him closer. I can't, that would be absurd. Even an attemp makeup would surely fail miserably, but anything's worth a try once. I give him a small smile and some of the weight is lifted from his eyes. I stand up straight and walk over to the entrance to the kitchen, before I walk through the doors I glance back. He's still watching me. I want to make up with him. So I give Edmund a quick wink and succeed with a small blush before I turn my back and walk away.

As Yvie and I walk over to the spiral staircase that leads up to the servants' quarters there's a light tap on my right shoulder. I turn to look directly into his eyes. Glancing over my shoulder at Yvie, I notice she's trying to hide the psychotic smile that stretches across her face. I giggle and shove her in the direction of the stairs, as soon as she's disappeared from view he decides to speak.

"Lyra. Lyra?" He gently pulls my chin up to look in my eyes. We stand like that for a few long seconds before we speak again.

"I'm sorry." We both blurt out the same words. He looks confused, but pulls me into a hug, whispering into my hair.

"What are you sorry for? You never did anything. I did. It was always me. I never went one hour without thinking about you." He mumbles into my soft auburn waves. I pull back to connect our eyes; chocolate brown fixed with the emerald green.

"I'm sorry for – for hating you for the last two years. Somehow I'd convinced myself you were horrid and vile. But really, you were called away that morning weren't you. They didn't let you say goodbye did they?" I try to blink back the tears that begin to cloud my vision, but I don't try hard enough. One single drop slides down my cheek, and he wipes it away until there's no trace of it at all.

"When does your shift finish?" his direct tone surprises me. I have to think for a few moments before answering.

"Um," I begin "About 2-ish I think. I'm with Yvie all day so I'll have to check to make sure. But I think it's 2."

He smiles that lazy, crooked smile I fell in love with.

"How about a hack later?" He knows I will jump at the opportunity but I pretend to have to think about it. Then I do something I haven't done in 2 years; I genuinely laugh. Out loud. In the middle of a half-empty corridor. With Ed. I really think I love him. I nod my head violently and whip round to run up the stairs. I'm 3 steps up before I realise he's still at the bottom of them. I skip back down and plant a small kiss on his cheek, which has him blushing like a tomato. I turn back around and go to change into my stable hand uniform.


	2. Run

**Thanks to FireyHeart33 for reviewing, your opinions on my work mean a lot. I'm really enjoying her story 'The Chronicles Of Narnia' and I think that you would enjoy it too. Bearing in mind it's rather common for me to be diagnosed with Writer's Block I would really appreciate it if you PM/reviewed me any ideas for goings-on between what I have already planned out. Just give it a go. You don't have to but it would mean a lot to know people want to contribute to my story. A primrose means I can't live without you. *story gives you prims*. May The Force Be Ever In Your Favour Mr Potter – Gandalf (Chronicles of Narnia) DISCLAIMER: I ONLY OWN YVIE, LYRA, FELIX, DEXTER COULT SECOND MILITARY LIEUTENANT AND JONAH AND EVAN THE HORSES. ALL OTHER CHARACTERS BELONG TO C. OR WHOEVER'S IN CHARGE OF THEM NOW. THANKYOULOTSYES.**

Go back and read the A/N or you shall not pass!

Black leggings. Worn black boots. Brown woollen top with sleeves to my elbows. Scruffy, faded blue beanie hat. I'm hurtling down the spiral staircase with Yvie. High on the feeling that my heart is once again, whole. Life is good.

We giggle on our journey down to the stables, receiving a few odd looking sideways glances from the people of the courts. Half way there, Yvie pulls me behind a clump of trees to interrogate me.

"Well?" She asks, hands on hips, eyes narrowing.

"Well, what?" I reply, matter-of-factly. She raises a golden eyebrow and laughs.

"So how many other, what I'm guessing are, whirlwind romances have you had with kings?" She sighs and flutters her eyelashes. I laugh at her and she joins in, chuckling like a chipmunk.

"Just the one. It wasn't even that-"I cut myself off, beginning to laugh. Yvie looks confused but seconds later, she understands and laughs along with me.

"Just. That's great. I see what you did there." She manages to get the words out between cackles.

"Yeah," I say "I made a funny. Anyway, you know I told you ages ago that I was a guest here before I began to work? Well, a little while before then..."

I replay the whole horrid time before I met Ed in my mind, letting every detail flow from my lips. The weeks and weeks that were sleepless, empty, and silent. He got me talking, eating, and finally sleeping. I've never realised how much he did for me, how much he helped me to be me again. It breaks my heart to realise how much he cared, how he never asked for anything in return. It brings tears to my eyes. I'm dragged back into the present when Yvie gives me a short light hug. She wraps her hand in mine and drags me through a few scraggly bushes. We arrive in the yard by the stables and I look at her in disbelief. Yvie just shakes her head and wanders on over to the horses she's listed to do today. I walk over to my 3 horses I'm supposed to muck out, clean, exercise, poo pick and feed today. It's Thursday morning, so I've got Jonah, Evan and Phillip. I set them loose in the field and venture into the stink hole that is Jonah's stable. For a little pony, he sure does do his business a lot. Once I've decided I won't die from the stench still lingering around in the finally clean stable I drag him back from the field and attach him to the wall by the stables.

I rest my auburn head on the dip between Jonah's shoulder blade and neck, brushing his slivery mane. It reminds me of a thousand times with Felix, the memories tear through my heart like a knife through butter. The tiny knives leave jagged edges and pieces of my heart flake off, before the entire thing just crumples in on itself and shrivels in a corner to weep. I force myself to rise from the position and finish the rest of my work by lunchtime.

I practically pull Yvie away from Dexter Coult, the 4th in command (if you count Ed, which no one seems to). His official title is Second Military Lieutenant. That's the professional way of saying Edmund's right hand man, left hand com to think of it; and his feet too. Okay, basically he's Ed's cover. If the Just King is unable to battle, the loyal Second Military Lieutenant would happily lay down his life to fight for his king. That's a load of Minotaur shit. Dexter Coult is by far the most cowardly person I have ever met. It's just a shame that every single one of the girls in the entirety of Narnia (except me, obviously) find his shiny blonde hair and weirdly unnatural blue eyes completely irresistible. I hate him because I know him, he's an absolute prat. You ask him to do something and he just flutters those stupidly blue eyes at you and expects you to forget what you were talking to him about. I never do, he's tried to flirt with me, flatter me, and be as attractive as humanly possible. I just laugh in his face.

As soon as I'm sure he's eavesdropping, I make sure to tell Yvie very loudly that she needs to help me get ready. It's stupidly obvious how much he likes me, I know it, everyone in the castle knows it, hell, and I'm pretty sure the whole of Narnia knows it. The only people who are oblivious to that fact are the Great Dexter Coult himself, and Ed, whose hypothetical blindness I'm rather pleased about. He skids up behind us and leans over my shoulder, eyes sparkling.

"Get ready for what? Ready to impress me? Ready to ask me out after all these years? I know you want to; I can see it in your eyes." He winks at me and I look up at Yvie, we both spin, causing him to fall face first in the mud and what I believe to be actual horse crap. We laugh as he slips about on the floor, struggling to gain steadiness. I don't expect what comes next. Yvie doesn't either, and she's too naive to expect it. We're on the floor in seconds, tackled by a very muddy Dexter. He suddenly remembers what he was previously trying to do and immediately stands up, offering a rather dirty hand to me. I take it and lock eyes with him, I wink and he looks momentarily confused but regains the flirty composure. I watch carefully and just as he's about to return the wink, I switch our centres of gravity, using his weight to balance myself into a standing position while he's back on the floor in 3 seconds flat. I flip my hair down my back and walk off, arm in arm with Yvie.

"Okay then. Outfit One, Two or Three?" She asks me. I roll my eyes at her enthusiasm and stand up to inspect the clothes she's chosen for me. The first is a pair of tight-fitting blue trousers and a forest green long sleeved top with knee high black riding boots with shiny silver buckles up the back. The second outfit is a white t-shirt with really tiny yellow and pink flowers creeping up it from the sides and a pair of deep red cropped trousers and then some chunky blue ankle boots. The third is the most outrageously unlikely of all the clothes, it's a dress; a bright yellow thing with a 7 layered skirt that falls to my knees and a pair of little grey plimsolls with white laces. I can't decide, but I'm definitely not walking out in that dandelion. Suddenly, an idea explodes in my mind.

"How about," I say, rearranging some of the clothes on the bed "This?" I step back to admire my work. I've taken the long sleeved green top from the first outfit, the cropped red trousers from the second and the grey shoes from the final one. Yvie's eyebrows raise and she looks at me as if to say: Are you kidding me? I shrug and she sighs.

"Okay then. You dress how you want, but I get to decide how you have your hair." She's obviously annoyed that I didn't go for the hideous yellow thing. I sigh in defeat and change into the outfit. To my surprise, Yvie just twists my hair from one side to the other and ties it in a ponytail; she then plaits the remaining hair in a fishtail plait down to my elbows. She grins in triumph and I gasp because it's a lot plainer than the extravagant probably intricately twizzled updo I was sure I would be sporting. I grab my scruffy old guitar as we head downstairs to the stables where Ed is talking to a still-muddy Dexter. I glower at Dexter suspiciously and his sapphire eyes latch onto my emerald ones. I press a finger to my lips and creep around behind Edmund. I whisper into Yvie's ear to go and talk to Dexter about his horses or something while I tack up Jonah. She nods and jumps straight into the conversation, laughing away, immediately at ease in front of 2 incredibly important 16 year olds. I notice that Phillip is already tacked up and ready to go, he nods in my direction and I grin at him. I silently pull on Jonah's blanket, saddle and strap my guitar to the back of the saddle. Then I resume working him into his bridle; he's always hated bridles. I clip my riding hat on, sensing that my time is running out. I jump up onto Jonah's back and grab a hold on his bridle, we trot round the side of the stables and the unmistakeable sound of hooves on concrete turns all three heads. I lock eyes with Ed and wink at him. He stares back with disbelieving eyes.

"Well?" I say, "Come on lazy, you're late."


	3. Lose My Mind

**Okay so I'm not too fond of the beginning of this chapter, but the end had me in tears writing it. So I hope you enjoy it. PLease review , just be nice. :) Thankies :)**

Silence. Well, not complete silence, but silence nonetheless. I wasn't expecting to be straight back to what we were before, but still, a little friendly conversation couldn't hurt. Could it? I let out an obvious sigh and I watch Ed's head pop up out of the corner of my eye. He's watching me, so I try my best to look upset, which of course makes me want to laugh, but then I realise; I have a reason to be upset with him, and the realisation does make me upset with him. I duck my head and look at him; I give him a sad smile and drop my head again. I hear his sigh and we carry on for another 20 minutes in a guilty silence.

We stop at the place we're sure nobody else knows exists. It's our place; the site of our first picnic, hack, musical moment and our first kiss. I grin at the memories of a thousand hugs and giggles shared in this very spot. 3 miles east of the Western Woods at the top of a hill, a rock juts out over the side of the chalky cliff, overlooking the valley, that's our place. I pull Jonah's bridle off and discard it under a tree, he snorts in appreciation and trots off to a bush dotted with gleaming red berries. I amble over to the edge of the cliff and slump onto my bum, hanging my legs over the edge of the rock. I can feel him walking closer before the thump as he sits next to me. His hand snakes out and catches my own, I shuffle around uncomfortably for a while but I soon relax and rest my head on his shoulder. We stay like that until the sun begins to disappear behind the hilltops. I stand up and wander over to Jonah, Edmund looks back at me puzzlingly, but to his surprise I unstrap my guitar from the saddle and walk back over to the edge. I strum out a few stray notes before whispering a song from summers long ago.

_Look at the stars,  
Look how they shine for you,  
And everything you do,  
Yeah, they were all yellow.  
I came along,  
I wrote a song for you,  
And all the things you do,  
And it was called "Yellow".  
So then I took my turn,  
Oh what a thing to have done,  
And it was all "Yellow."  
Your skin,  
Oh yeah your skin and bones,  
Turn into something beautiful,  
You know, you know I love you so,  
You know I love you so.  
I swam across,  
I jumped across for you,  
Oh what a thing to do.  
Cos you were all "Yellow",  
I drew a line,  
I drew a line for you,  
Oh what a thing to do,  
And it was all "Yellow."  
Your skin,  
Oh yeah your skin and bones,  
Turn into something beautiful,  
And you know,  
For you I'd bleed myself dry,  
For you I'd bleed myself dry.  
It's true,  
Look how they shine for you,  
Look how they shine for you,  
Look how they shine for,  
Look how they shine for you,  
Look how they shine for you,  
Look how they shine.  
Look at the stars,  
Look how they shine for you,  
And all the things that you do._

I glance up to find his eyes trained on my face. I feel my cheeks darken and I drop my head, smiling at the grass in the valley. I begin to laugh, really, really laugh. I haven't laughed like this in so long, it's an amazing feeling. He joins in, and we sit there on the edge of the cliff, laughing until our stomachs hurt and tears stream from our eyes.

"Why are we laughing again, Ly?" he chuckles, clutching his sides. I shake my head violently.

"I don't even know." I reply, giggling, wiping tears from my cheeks. I stop abruptly, confused. "Ly? You haven't called me that since before-"

"I left. I know. Lyra, I want you to know something." He takes my hands into his and looks me straight in the eye.

"What? Ed, tell me. Please?" I'm curious now; I want to know what he wants me to know. From the way he's looking at me, I'm expecting some sort of dramatic, romantic moment or something.

"You've still got mud on your face. From your fight with Dexter, earlier." I'm absolutely mortified. I must look like it too because he adds, "It's ok. It's sort of cute, your horrifically embarrassed face; and when you blush." He winks and I feel my cheeks go even darker than before, which makes him chuckle. I swivel my legs behind me and lay on my stomach with my head hanging over the edge of the cliff, looking down on the rocks. I sigh and he lifts my chin up.

"Why so glum, topazy-locks?" He looks generally concerned, and I roll my eyes mentally. I shake my head.

"I'm not glum. I was just wondering something."

"What were you wondering?"

"If someone jumped from here; would they die?"

His chocolate eyes widen and I know he will change the path of the conversation.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I talked to Aslan in this very spot?" There you go, he deliberately dropped the subject. I know he worries about the way my mind works. I'm easily distracted, and there are mental implosions whenever anyone mentions anything to do with my past. There are holes in the way I think, and I know that the way I act is sometimes completely dysfunctional. I can change my mood in under a second, and I could be classed a legally insane. If people leave without my knowledge, and they're important to me, I slide back into oblivion and occasionally retreat back to my hidey hole; which is the wardrobe where I hid after Felix passed. Sometimes I begin to talk about something and I can't stop. People tell me these traits aren't my fault it's just what's happened to me, but they're judging me. People stick a label on my head, they look at the way I act around different people and they label me something I'm not. They call me mad and crazy; I'm just a little odd and dysfunctional. If Narnia is a utopia, to me it's a dystopia. I see the bad in everyone before I see the good, and it kills me to be able to point out the flaws in people just by looking at the way they carry themselves. I've never really heard voices that don't exist, just each of my personalities voicing their opinions. I'm what they call schizophrenic. I have different sides to me, and they can change in seconds. I can go through being happy, angry, upset, excited and depressed in seconds. But Ed loves me for who I am, and that keeps me happy enough to get through the day. I've had, um, episodes before. They only ever happen in my sleep, and they're usually sparked by my hauntingly disturbing nightmares.

"You haven't answered my question. And no, you haven't told me." He huffs and I begin to get up. Almost instantly, he's on his feet and offering me a hand to help me up. I take it and we walk further up the hill to a little cluster of gnarled old apple trees with a huge bed of forget-me-nots, purple hyacinths and primroses in the centre. The forget me not's ask him to remember me, the purple hyacinths tell him I am sorry and they ask him to forgive me, the primroses tell him I can't live without him even though I am trying really, really hard. I sniff and furiously wipe away the tears trickling in a steady stream down my face. I tearing out the hair bands in my topaz hair and unplait it. The soft waves fall to my waist and they slide in front of my face to cover my tears. I lean into Ed for support and he wraps a reassuring arm around my shoulders, pulling me into a light hug. I rest my head on his shoulder and look back over the valley; I remember why he loved this place so much; it's beautiful here. I pull away from Ed and sit down. I lean against the back of the cold marble arch and close my eyes.

"Felix Warren aged 7," Edmund reads the engraved writing on the front of the rock "Born and died as the best little brother that the world has ever known. Don't forget me Fe, I'm sorry, I can't live without you. I love you." He sighs.

"That's beautiful, Lyra. Really beautiful." I hear him sniff and I know he's crying too. I get up and walk over to him; he's sitting cross legged so I sit on his lap with my legs lined with the edge of the protruding mound of grass that is my brother's final resting place. I pull a small piece of paper out of my pocket; it's one of the letters I've written to Felix over the years. I take a deep breath and try not to cry as I read.

"Dear Fe" I say out loud. "Not a minute goes by when I don't think about you. I know that you might not be able to hear me, but somehow I think you do. I'm sorry Fe, I don't know why I was there every second you needed me but I made sure I was at the end. You know when you go for a ride and it's so amazing that you don't want to go home? My time with you was like that. Ed and Pete are supposed to be coming back in a month so I'll probably spend most of my time up here. I don't want to have to face him, I mean, he left me. I shouldn't be throwing all this onto you, not when you're where you are. Lucy says that people in Narnia don't really pass away; they just go to Aslan's country, so I hope you're having a nice time there. Jonah misses you, he still tries to eat that old bit of ribbon you put on his head collar when you were 3. I miss you too, everyone does. The sky has lost a star, when I look at the moon I think of you, even when I look at nothing I think of you. I'm so sorry Felix, please forgive me, I wanted to get you help sooner but you know I couldn't. You know that no one had the correct herbs or incantations to get you better. Forget me not's, purple hyacinths and primroses, honey. Don't forget me, I'm sorry and I can't live without you. I promise I will try to work things out with Ed when he gets back, I know how much you love him. I promise to see you more often and I promise to get on with life like you'd want me to. Bye Fe, I love you with all my heart."

When I'm finished there are more teardrops on the paper than there were to begin with, and I know Edmund contributed. I lean forwards and secure the newest letter under a rock with the other hundred and seventy three others. I stand up and offer a hand to Ed. He takes it, and doesn't let go, which I like. Suddenly, a strong wind blows me straight into his arms and I know this is Felix's way of me showing him that I've worked things out with Ed. I rest my head on his shoulder and he pulls me into a long hug, not caring that the wind is whipping past us. I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face into him; he pulls me out and looks me straight in the eyes. We stand there for a few seconds before he leans in and I don't pull away. I let him kiss me, and I kiss back.


	4. Chasing The Sun

"Hey so how was the- Oh my ASLAN, what's wrong Lyra?" Yvie runs straight up to me and envelopes her skinny arms around me for a quick hug. She releases me and holds my shoulders at arm's length, examining my face, her eyes shoot straight up once she's seen my tears and she stares daggers at Edmund. He looks sheepish and begins to walk in the other direction. Yvie follows him with her icy blue eyes and whispers in my ear.

"I could probably be arrested for this, but it's not like I give a unicorn's is it?" She lets go and stalks after him. I hear a scuffle behind me and I whip around to face it, hair twirling out behind me. Yvie has Ed pressed against the wall, nails digging into his shoulders. She mutters something I can't really hear, but I know it's menacing by the way he's cowering away from her. I almost laugh at the look on his face; he's utterly terrified of her. I begin to walk over, but I stop in my tracks. She's really going to hurt him.

"Yvie!" my voice echoes off the walls louder than I want it to and immediately she drops her arms. Edmund scampers over to me and attempts to hide from her. I turn around and look straight into his eyes, he's still shaking, I grab his hand and give it a reassuring squeeze.

"If you run now, you might be able to make it to Dexter before she rips your throat out with her teeth."

He nods and darts back in the direction we came in. Yvie makes a move to run after him but I clamp a hand down on her shoulder, she starts and whips around. The moment she sees me her eyes soften and she gives me an apologetic smile.

"So you guys didn't fight? So, I don't have to beat him up?" She looks a little confused, and hurt, but mostly just confused.

"No. You don't have to beat him up." I reply.

"Oh. Then that was a waste of time. I was explaining what I'd do to him if he ever made you cry again. I think I scared him a little." She smirks, almost proudly. As if scaring a king means you get some sort of prize.

"I think you scared him a lot. He may possibly be scarred for life."

She giggles for a few minutes, but stops abruptly.

"Lyra?"

"Yeah?"

"So, why were you crying?"

"Oh, we, um," I almost choke on the words, "We went to see Fe."

Yvie opens her mouth to say something, but clearly thinks better of it and shakes her head dismissively. She grabs my hand and pulls me up to the maids' quarters. I sit on my bed and think about life. Mine's not much, but I know that it can only get better; only up from here.

(3 months later)

"Hey, so what should we do today? We're not working. You're not battling or whatever. We should do something fun, you know, the four of us." Yvie throws her head back to see the boys' reactions. Edmund looks happy, Dexter seems a little wary.

"What's up Dexter? You scared of having to spend a whole day with us?" I laugh and the others chuckle along with me.

"I'm not scared. I mean, when am I ever scared? It's just..." He trails off, mumbling the last part inaudibly under his breath.

"It's just what?" Ed encourages, forever the supportive person.

"Well, last time we did anything with the four of us, Lyra slapped me." He throws a sheepish look at me and seems to be expecting some sort of apology.

"Okay, well, I _should_ be sorry, and I will be if it means we can do something today. But I had a good reason. My bum is _not_ a subject of conversation. I hope I made that clear the last time." I give Dexter an honest look so he knows I'm sorry for everything as long as he's sorry for his inappropriate conversation. He throws a flirty smile in my direction and I laugh at his hideous attempt at seducing me.

"We should go _camping_." Yvie says with a dreamy sigh.

"Why? What's the point in camping?" for once, Edmund seems a little uneasy with our plans.

"Well, we can get away from here for a few days. Nothing's bound to happen. We've made peace with the giants in the North. There's been no conflict with the Telmarines since the whole Miraz thing. The slave drivers never come onto the mainland anyway. So why not?"

I'm sure a few of the officials think that our plans aren't exactly the most ideal ones in the world, but they don't speak up because as soon as we've all had our duties cleared for the next five days, we're packing up the horses and getting ready to ride down to the old site of Aslan's camp. We trot into a valley with slowly steeping sides and flat rock faces jutting from the hillsides.

If you look at the very top of the side at the left end of the east side and crane your neck to the right, you can see the top of the pink blossom that covers the apple trees around Felix. I steal a quick glance at Ed and he catches my eye, jerking his head slightly in its direction. I nod and I know he's telling me to meet him there when the others are asleep. We carry on a little further north along the valley and set our things down in the shelter of the west- facing hill.

After struggling with the three tents, one for the boys, one for the girls and one for the horses in case it rains later, we finally settle down on a small blanket where we eat our lunch of fish and chive sandwiches with miniature cheese and apple tarts, which are not as bad as we anticipated. Later, when I'm certain Yvie's sleeping, I slide my blankets off, pull on my cloak and slip out into the night**.**

**Thank you lots for reading** **this chapter. It took days to write, rewrite, erase, write, rewrite again, edit, delete, completely start again and then repeat. How ever much I tried I just couldn't get this chapter right. I'm still not exactly happy with it so I'll probably end up rewriting it again. I hope you guys think it's okay, and don't forget to review. This story lives off reviews, of which it only has two, which is probably the reason why it's a bit crap at the moment. I'm such a slow writer and quite often it will take a while to cure my writer's block so please bear with me. Readers and Reviews keep this story alive, please don't give up on me just yet! Thanks :)**

**- D7Tribute oxoxoxoxoxox**


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